Weeping

*This post talks about the ending of A Lesson Before Dying so stop reading if you haven’t finished the book and you don’t want to find out how it ends*

When we started A Lesson Before Dying, we talked a lot about how the story could possibly reach a resolution and we didn’t come up with an answer. Going into the last chapter, I still wasn’t sure how I expected or even wanted it to end. Given all the anticipation of the end, I found the actual end and especially the last lines really intriguing: “I turned from [Paul] and went back into the church. Irene Cole told the class to rise, with their shoulders back. I went up to the desk and turned to face them. I was crying” (256).

The thing that struck me most was the emotional vulnerability of “I was crying.” Of course Grant’s emotions are likely more intense at this point in the book than any other. But I do think it’s a change from the way Grant tries to deflect or avoid the pain he feels earlier in the book. Grant repeatedly tries to avoid talking directly about Jefferson’s death. As an example, the last time Grant narrates meeting with Jefferson, he refuses to talk about Jefferson’s death when Jefferson asks him about it: “’ain’t that where I’m going, Mr. Wiggins, back in the earth?’ My head down, I didn’t answer him” (224).  Grant also repeatedly avoids talking with Vivian about Jefferson’s death and the related emotional pain he’s feeling. In one scene, Vivian repeatedly asks Grant to talk to her about what’s wrong and he keeps changing the topic:

“What is the matter, Grant?” she asked.

“I just had to see you.”

“When was the last time I told you I loved you?”

[…] “What is the matter, Grant?” she asked me again.

“You want to leave from here tonight?” I asked her. (28)

So for most of the book, Grant doesn’t want to think or talk about Jefferson’s death. But then after Jefferson is killed, Grant is forced to think really directly about Jefferson’s death and show his emotion in a very public way by crying in front of his class.

            This line made me think about the Odyssey and how Odysseus frequently shows his emotional vulnerability by weeping and how the compassion he shows for others through his weeping might be part of what makes him a hero. We’ve talked a lot about how over the course of the novel Grant improves his ability to describe the system that killed Jefferson and stops him from really helping any of his students. But I think emotional expression is also part of being a hero and Grant’s weeping shows that he has been forced to develop that as well. Thinking about it in terms of Grant’s definition of a hero as someone who helps others, if understanding and articulating the system he lives in could help Grant create change and help him help his students then expressing the emotional burden he’s dealing with could maybe also enable him to create change.